I have definitely mastering eating. Eating, eating and more eating. Praying…hmm…well. I believe I pray most of my day: I pray that I will find the vocation that will be my passion for the rest of my life. Love…..oh…God…I will get back to that one.

As you can tell with the clever title of this post I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love. Everyone and their mother must know this title by now, Thank you Oprah. I have realized a lot about myself from Elizabeth’s adventures. Aside from living in Italy a longer period of time and feeling a bit more assimilated to my surroundings, I noticed one thing she did more than me. Learn Italian. I don’t know what her level of speaking is, but I feel that her being there for four months, she seemed to learn a lot more than me from going back and forth for about 5 years. Is there something wrong with this picture? haha! Yeah apparently I drank more, ate more, and well…we won’t get into my personal life. Oh well, there is always more to learn in this life so I am not going to be down about that fact.

As I arrived to the part of her living in the Ashram, I was like “I SOOO want to go there.” Having that amazing experience looking to the stars, the silence, the peace, the frustrations. I mean wow! WOW! I really wanted to experience this life she had there. She seemed to learn more and more about herself and enjoyed it piu o meno. Although, you all know having someone else’s life, experience, never turns out how you think it will. (Poof, you are someone other than yourself….boring). I remember watching her Oprah interview, she said something profound, “People came up to me on the street and said ‘thanks for writing this book for me, it totally encompasses my struggles in life’, I said sorry but I wrote this book for me.” Funny how she wrote this book for herself and not for her starving fans. I have been writing for myself well…since I wrote my first depressed and rather cheesy love poem back in High School. Yet I don’t have fans telling me how much they liked my rhythm in the poem about the boy that broke my heart. haha…

Now I am in the India part of her book. Much more laid back, she is. She is comfortable with herself. She is no longer thinking of her old flames. She is now finally finding peace in her young life. Now….that is what I want to find…I want to be able to say, “I am peaceful, My life is just how it should be.”  Still waiting to get there.

I keep going back and forth in my head if such a thing is possible. I know it is, but although I have turned out to be the most impatient person in the world, it remains to be seen in my thought process these days.

My cousin died on Monday of a hard battle with brain cancer. He was 45 and left behind his wife and 4 children.  And if that couldn’t be fine and dandy in my family’s life, my Mom’s best friend died on Friday night.  She was 80, but a dear friend of my Mom’s and was also a great lady.  She used to take us to really nice brunches back when I could eat anything and everything and not gain a pound.

I am telling you this not to respond ‘oh poor katie and her family’ but to say, life is short. Life is so so short. I have been searching for a place to belong since arriving back, and it has burdened me. I have danced Tango, went as far as finding my own apartment, trying to find my nitch….Where should I be right now? Is the question, one of many going thru my head. I have been trying to find a path…for this moment in time. I have been listening to people that I shouldn’t be. I have been told what to do. But why, all of a sudden have I been searching for a thing, an idea to follow when I am traveling steady and confident down my own curvy road?